After a year, I am still happy that I chose to move home!
In fact, I feel more at peace than I have in many years. I love it here.
The other day, I saw one of my good friends walking along a main street of our Town (as in, "I'm going to town, do you need anything?" because...yes...this is country livin'!) and I stopped and chatted a bit and it was SO FREAKING COOL!
It's an adjustment, though, to be in a place again where everyone knows everyone.
Going to the store in my pajamas used to be acceptable, because, hey--no one'll ever see me again!
Buuuut...that's not exactly the case here, is it?
I love it, though.
A few days ago, I ran into my "first" at the toy store.
Haven't seen him in 13 years, haven't thought about him in...12 years and 11 and a half months.
Or so.
Poor fella.
(We dated all summer and were technically still "together" for the whole next school year while each of us returned to our respective universities, but that was just sort of a convenient way for me to explain my lack of dating while at school...god, I hated BYU!!!!!)
Anyway, it was nice to see him.
He was shopping with his super cute daughter and he looked like he was happy.
My Love was with me and I introduced them, asked fewer "what have you been up to" questions than I wanted answered, and we parted.
I felt oddly nervous and simultaneously oddly detached.
Shrug.
So then this morning when Love got home from work, he said, "So...wanna know yet another way in which we are connected?"
He went on to tell me that the aforementioned dude's name had sounded familiar and that last night while working the face attached to that name appeared in his head.
A teenaged face.
The face of an old girlfriend's younger brother!!!
Ha!
So....yeah.
We compared impressions of their parents and her smoking (bad breath) and his tobacco chewing (ew) and how we both felt like they were not our type at the time.
It was kiiiinda hilarious.
We lay in bed, faces inches apart, giggling.
...and have I mentioned yet today how completely, entirely, mind-blowingly in love I am with this fella???
yeah.
We're pretty damn happy.
And I am grateful to all the gods that be, for that.
The gods and Mary.
No...not the Virgin--ha!
She's no virgin!
But she introduced us, she was the gateway.
And that dear little schmoo is planting and harvesting and sharing flowers from her garden to deck the fuck out of our wedding!
Sheesh.
I'm going to have to thank her in a big way for contributing the flowers, the groom...
ya know, a couple of the more important ingredients in a good wedding.
Hehe!
I am SO excited for our wedding!!
Now...gods of generosity, could I ask one more favor?
Take away the extra weight I'm luggin' around.
I don't need it anymore!
That's right, universe, you can have it back.
Thanks for letting me borrow it--it came in real handy in surviving the tough winter and setting up a new home, and whatnot, but I'm all set.
Thanks bunches!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Oh My GAAAAWD!!
Ok, so I have this friend, and I'm not giving any hints cuz she wants to remain anonymous (at least for now), but she is a frigging GENIOUS!!!!
She started a website, with a big dream and I would love nothing more than to see her succeed.
For just one dollar you could help her reach an amazing and beautiful goal. Check it out:
The Internet Begging Experiment
(She taught me how to write html tags, and I just used one!! Oops, that was a hint. But I can't imagine anyone here knows her. Dammit, that was another hint!! I'm shutting up now...)
She started a website, with a big dream and I would love nothing more than to see her succeed.
For just one dollar you could help her reach an amazing and beautiful goal. Check it out:
The Internet Begging Experiment
(She taught me how to write html tags, and I just used one!! Oops, that was a hint. But I can't imagine anyone here knows her. Dammit, that was another hint!! I'm shutting up now...)
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Today was strange...
I woke up heavily, groggily
and spent ten minutes getting my kids dressed and out the door,
then grabbed an armful of cook books
and got back in bed with the intention of browsing them for new recipes.
(my repertoire could use a little spice-up!)
Which reminds me--
I have this paranoia that has developed recently that women who cook with great variety also...are endlessly creative in the bedroom.
I wonder about that sometimes.
I have, at times, considered myself to be...ahem...highly adventurous and generally terrific in bed.
But I still wonder.
Because I'm often quite stale in the kitchen.
Buuuuut....that's because I like to cook things I don't have to think about or prepare for--because I'm spontaneous and unpredictable.
Which goes over well in the bedroom (or the bathroom, or the walk-in closet...that one is convenient for weekend afternoons...).
Wow, I got sooooooo sidetracked!!
Ok, so this morning I climbed back in bed.
And I placed those books on His side of the bed and I snuggled back in and considered
resting
my
eyes...
for just a brief moment.
And 3 hours later, after sad, unsettling dreams,
I woke, peed, and got back in bed.
I was still so tired...
so I slept again, and dreamed nicer things.
I woke up for good at 12:30.
I must be fighting off a cold or something because I never sleep that long.
EVER.
I fell asleep last night at 10, and I usually get up with my kids at 7:30 and stay up all day.
Very bizarre.
So.........yeah. That's the story of today.
Oh, also, I took the kids on a short bike ride.
Hooray for bikes!!
Something smells really nasty.
I'm still kinda foggy.
So I think I'll go to bed.
It smells like gasoline and feet.
and spent ten minutes getting my kids dressed and out the door,
then grabbed an armful of cook books
and got back in bed with the intention of browsing them for new recipes.
(my repertoire could use a little spice-up!)
Which reminds me--
I have this paranoia that has developed recently that women who cook with great variety also...are endlessly creative in the bedroom.
I wonder about that sometimes.
I have, at times, considered myself to be...ahem...highly adventurous and generally terrific in bed.
But I still wonder.
Because I'm often quite stale in the kitchen.
Buuuuut....that's because I like to cook things I don't have to think about or prepare for--because I'm spontaneous and unpredictable.
Which goes over well in the bedroom (or the bathroom, or the walk-in closet...that one is convenient for weekend afternoons...).
Wow, I got sooooooo sidetracked!!
Ok, so this morning I climbed back in bed.
And I placed those books on His side of the bed and I snuggled back in and considered
resting
my
eyes...
for just a brief moment.
And 3 hours later, after sad, unsettling dreams,
I woke, peed, and got back in bed.
I was still so tired...
so I slept again, and dreamed nicer things.
I woke up for good at 12:30.
I must be fighting off a cold or something because I never sleep that long.
EVER.
I fell asleep last night at 10, and I usually get up with my kids at 7:30 and stay up all day.
Very bizarre.
So.........yeah. That's the story of today.
Oh, also, I took the kids on a short bike ride.
Hooray for bikes!!
Something smells really nasty.
I'm still kinda foggy.
So I think I'll go to bed.
It smells like gasoline and feet.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
It's raining, it's pouring...
and I'm not yet snoring!
But I should be.
I am sleepy...
And I don't have anything blogable on my mind, just stress type stuff.
But I guess I can push all that aside,
stick it on a shelf somewhere and chat about the rest of my life--the Good Parts.
My Love works nights about the half the time, so tonight it is just me and four cats on this big ole bed.
I can hear peepers outside, and crickets or something.
I love how alive this place is.
This is NOT city living, that's for damn sure!
The country is loud with quiet...
And there are so many stars here it make me wish I could focus my eyes better.
I love it.
I have noticed some subtle but exciting changes in my kids lately.
I think they're growing up!
I think they've reach a new stage in their childhood...they'll be 9 soon, and I just think they're finally in a new realm of maturity and confidence.
I am enjoying this immensely.
This week I made several excellent loaves of bread, and two batches of strawberry freezer jam.
Very satisfying.
Um............
Trying to think of more intersting things, but all that comes to mind are my worries.
I guess that's just how life is.
Instead, here's a story I started writing the other day.
Just sorta rolled off my tongue, but with some editing and a few more pages, it could be a cool little story. Or first chapter to a book.........
She wasn't the only one there with tattoos and cut-offs, but she managed to look the sleaziest. Maybe it was the dark eye makeup, or the unexpectedness of so many lines on the childish face. She had a skinned knee and a hole just under the back pocket of her ill-fitting shorts, but there appeared to be knitting needles sticking out of the lumpy backpack she carried. She had something nondescript sprawled across her lower back, ink stains on skin, but the rose tattoo on her ankle was the final piece of the jumbled timeline. The rose was straight out of the 70s, but this girl's mother was probably too young for a tattoo in the 70s. Her name, obviously, was Crystal. What other name would a girl like this have? The dirt under her fingernails hinted at something, but the cigarette clasped between those fingers was what really drew the eye. She held it like a child holds a crayon, her fist curled around it, shoving it into her rotten, ragged-looking mouth.
The jukebox stopped and in the silence, other senses were sharpened--the grit on the floor could be felt inside shoes, while the scent of stale smoke and unwashed armpits was almost a taste, and made several patrons blink. The silence also left room for the Jimmy the bartender to notice this squalid presence, this aged child.
"You got some ID, junior?"
Crystal swatted the fly that had landed on the back of her cigarette hand. She looked into his grey, drooping eyes and said nothing.
"Look, I gotta see some ID or they'll shut me down. And I can't afford that shit again this month." He braced his hands against the bar, holding his ground.
She sighed and reached into her backpack. She tossed something hat looked like a receipt, or an invoice onto the polished wood stretched out before her.
After his eyes skimmed the paper, Jimmy cocked one eyebrow, smoothed his mustache with one large hand, and gave it back to her. Mostly to himself he said, "Well that explains a lot," shook his head slightly and met her eyes again. "What'll it be?"
She coughed from somewhere deep in her lungs and pointed to the Budweiser sign behind him. "Light," she amended.
"Three bucks." They completed the exchange in silence and she took the bottle to the far corner of the room. Sometime during that slow-motion exchange, the jukebox had started up again, same song as before. There was a dull buzz of conversation, but most people were edging away from Crystal's booth.
Crystal put the bottle to her lips and let the cool crispness wash through her mouth, her scattered thoughts each fighting for center stage. She didn't really want to be here, in a crappy bar full of crappy drunks, each making some version of a crappy judgment of her. She could feel their disapproval, smell their loathing. But she didn't know how she must look to them. She didn't know they could see her life spelled out in the way she walked, the breaths she drew. She lived inside her own head and had very little use for anyone in the outside world. She needed something, though, and she had decided that this might be a place she could find it, or get closer to finding it.
The scene before her seemed convex, with all the people clustered at the center of the warped vision. She sipped at the brown, sweating bottle until the scene stabilized and she was able to see each person separately.
But I should be.
I am sleepy...
And I don't have anything blogable on my mind, just stress type stuff.
But I guess I can push all that aside,
stick it on a shelf somewhere and chat about the rest of my life--the Good Parts.
My Love works nights about the half the time, so tonight it is just me and four cats on this big ole bed.
I can hear peepers outside, and crickets or something.
I love how alive this place is.
This is NOT city living, that's for damn sure!
The country is loud with quiet...
And there are so many stars here it make me wish I could focus my eyes better.
I love it.
I have noticed some subtle but exciting changes in my kids lately.
I think they're growing up!
I think they've reach a new stage in their childhood...they'll be 9 soon, and I just think they're finally in a new realm of maturity and confidence.
I am enjoying this immensely.
This week I made several excellent loaves of bread, and two batches of strawberry freezer jam.
Very satisfying.
Um............
Trying to think of more intersting things, but all that comes to mind are my worries.
I guess that's just how life is.
Instead, here's a story I started writing the other day.
Just sorta rolled off my tongue, but with some editing and a few more pages, it could be a cool little story. Or first chapter to a book.........
She wasn't the only one there with tattoos and cut-offs, but she managed to look the sleaziest. Maybe it was the dark eye makeup, or the unexpectedness of so many lines on the childish face. She had a skinned knee and a hole just under the back pocket of her ill-fitting shorts, but there appeared to be knitting needles sticking out of the lumpy backpack she carried. She had something nondescript sprawled across her lower back, ink stains on skin, but the rose tattoo on her ankle was the final piece of the jumbled timeline. The rose was straight out of the 70s, but this girl's mother was probably too young for a tattoo in the 70s. Her name, obviously, was Crystal. What other name would a girl like this have? The dirt under her fingernails hinted at something, but the cigarette clasped between those fingers was what really drew the eye. She held it like a child holds a crayon, her fist curled around it, shoving it into her rotten, ragged-looking mouth.
The jukebox stopped and in the silence, other senses were sharpened--the grit on the floor could be felt inside shoes, while the scent of stale smoke and unwashed armpits was almost a taste, and made several patrons blink. The silence also left room for the Jimmy the bartender to notice this squalid presence, this aged child.
"You got some ID, junior?"
Crystal swatted the fly that had landed on the back of her cigarette hand. She looked into his grey, drooping eyes and said nothing.
"Look, I gotta see some ID or they'll shut me down. And I can't afford that shit again this month." He braced his hands against the bar, holding his ground.
She sighed and reached into her backpack. She tossed something hat looked like a receipt, or an invoice onto the polished wood stretched out before her.
After his eyes skimmed the paper, Jimmy cocked one eyebrow, smoothed his mustache with one large hand, and gave it back to her. Mostly to himself he said, "Well that explains a lot," shook his head slightly and met her eyes again. "What'll it be?"
She coughed from somewhere deep in her lungs and pointed to the Budweiser sign behind him. "Light," she amended.
"Three bucks." They completed the exchange in silence and she took the bottle to the far corner of the room. Sometime during that slow-motion exchange, the jukebox had started up again, same song as before. There was a dull buzz of conversation, but most people were edging away from Crystal's booth.
Crystal put the bottle to her lips and let the cool crispness wash through her mouth, her scattered thoughts each fighting for center stage. She didn't really want to be here, in a crappy bar full of crappy drunks, each making some version of a crappy judgment of her. She could feel their disapproval, smell their loathing. But she didn't know how she must look to them. She didn't know they could see her life spelled out in the way she walked, the breaths she drew. She lived inside her own head and had very little use for anyone in the outside world. She needed something, though, and she had decided that this might be a place she could find it, or get closer to finding it.
The scene before her seemed convex, with all the people clustered at the center of the warped vision. She sipped at the brown, sweating bottle until the scene stabilized and she was able to see each person separately.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Where am I??
...I'm pretty sure I'm in Maine.
But the thing is, my whole world has just flip-flopped so it's hard to remember if I'm where I wish I was or where I actually live...until I remember that I
FINALLY
live where I have wished to be for the last 12 years or so!
Bizarre.
But in a decidedly good way.
All my stuff has been crammed into a vast, but already semi-full, garage as well as into the front room/living room of the house.
We arrived Wednesday, all of us within hours of each other.
Love had driven the 40 hours in about 50--meaning he only slept about 10 hours in two solid days of driving--and the kids and I had taken a red eye...meaning we had not had much sleep ourselves.
So, Wednesday saw us going to bed early and leaving the truck in the driveway, virtually untouched.
Love had also transported my mama kitty (who was our new kitten just last fall!) and the kitten my boys had chosen from her litter--gotta post some pictures, those two are beautiful calicos who are as identical as my boys!
Haha!
Anyway...Thursday we acted like human vacuum cleaners and sucked all my stuff out of that truck and into the aforementioned garge and living room.
Late Thursday night we went to bed satisfied--the truck was empty!
Friday morning we packed the car and the kids and headed for a long weekend of intense fun with a bunch of friends.
Absolute best weekend on record.
Perfect weather, perfect waves, perfect rollercoasters, perfect water slides--perfectly behaved kids!
WHOA.
This week is school shopping and trying to get the house ready for my stuff to find permanent homes.
Next week school starts and we can finish sorting through the physical by products of the collision of our two worlds.
Meanwhile, we got a little more cycling gear so we're both raring to get back in the saddle and we feel compelled to get a little more use out of the kayaks before the season ends...
So how is it that I'm gaining weight????
Whatever.
Stress. I blame stress.
(unfortunately I also gain weight when I'm content, so I guess I should quit looking for a scapegoat and just eat less...)
That was all such a recap version...I feel like it's terribly incomplete.
Like, I didn't tell you that one of the boys got stuck in his seatbelt so I had to CUT IT OFF HIM...grrrr.....
He had been twisting himself around in it so it was his fault, but then the release mechanism wouldn't work, either, so it was the car's fault, too. Heh.
I've ordered a new one and it should be installed next Wednesday.
Made for an interesting roadtrip over the weekend, because of course it was one of the edge belts, not the middle one, so the two (teenage) kids in the regular backseat had to be smooshed right next to each other (my two were in the "way back").
I also didn't tell you about the ridiculous fight I had to get into with the Ex and how cruel his words are and how manipulative he is and how he always ends up getting his way.
But that's just dirty laundry or whatever so who cares?
I'll write more soon.
The best news is that my brother discovered I had a bad video card in my old computer and that is the only reason my monitor wasn't working AND that the computer itself kept shutting down!!!!
So!
I have MY computer back, along with my flatscreen!!
My desk is here, too.
Oh, god, oh god, I can't wait to have this house all set up!!!!!!
Ok, I'm off to do a little school shopping.
I hope the end of summer finds you all well and happy.
Since I'm sucking at this blogging thing, please do feel free to send me an email if you feel like it. (notsoluckystar AT gmail)
Hugs to you all.
But the thing is, my whole world has just flip-flopped so it's hard to remember if I'm where I wish I was or where I actually live...until I remember that I
FINALLY
live where I have wished to be for the last 12 years or so!
Bizarre.
But in a decidedly good way.
All my stuff has been crammed into a vast, but already semi-full, garage as well as into the front room/living room of the house.
We arrived Wednesday, all of us within hours of each other.
Love had driven the 40 hours in about 50--meaning he only slept about 10 hours in two solid days of driving--and the kids and I had taken a red eye...meaning we had not had much sleep ourselves.
So, Wednesday saw us going to bed early and leaving the truck in the driveway, virtually untouched.
Love had also transported my mama kitty (who was our new kitten just last fall!) and the kitten my boys had chosen from her litter--gotta post some pictures, those two are beautiful calicos who are as identical as my boys!
Haha!
Anyway...Thursday we acted like human vacuum cleaners and sucked all my stuff out of that truck and into the aforementioned garge and living room.
Late Thursday night we went to bed satisfied--the truck was empty!
Friday morning we packed the car and the kids and headed for a long weekend of intense fun with a bunch of friends.
Absolute best weekend on record.
Perfect weather, perfect waves, perfect rollercoasters, perfect water slides--perfectly behaved kids!
WHOA.
This week is school shopping and trying to get the house ready for my stuff to find permanent homes.
Next week school starts and we can finish sorting through the physical by products of the collision of our two worlds.
Meanwhile, we got a little more cycling gear so we're both raring to get back in the saddle and we feel compelled to get a little more use out of the kayaks before the season ends...
So how is it that I'm gaining weight????
Whatever.
Stress. I blame stress.
(unfortunately I also gain weight when I'm content, so I guess I should quit looking for a scapegoat and just eat less...)
That was all such a recap version...I feel like it's terribly incomplete.
Like, I didn't tell you that one of the boys got stuck in his seatbelt so I had to CUT IT OFF HIM...grrrr.....
He had been twisting himself around in it so it was his fault, but then the release mechanism wouldn't work, either, so it was the car's fault, too. Heh.
I've ordered a new one and it should be installed next Wednesday.
Made for an interesting roadtrip over the weekend, because of course it was one of the edge belts, not the middle one, so the two (teenage) kids in the regular backseat had to be smooshed right next to each other (my two were in the "way back").
I also didn't tell you about the ridiculous fight I had to get into with the Ex and how cruel his words are and how manipulative he is and how he always ends up getting his way.
But that's just dirty laundry or whatever so who cares?
I'll write more soon.
The best news is that my brother discovered I had a bad video card in my old computer and that is the only reason my monitor wasn't working AND that the computer itself kept shutting down!!!!
So!
I have MY computer back, along with my flatscreen!!
My desk is here, too.
Oh, god, oh god, I can't wait to have this house all set up!!!!!!
Ok, I'm off to do a little school shopping.
I hope the end of summer finds you all well and happy.
Since I'm sucking at this blogging thing, please do feel free to send me an email if you feel like it. (notsoluckystar AT gmail)
Hugs to you all.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go...
But I'm not leaving on a jet plane
My STUFF is all headed for Maine--
Gulp!!
I'm just a little freaked out here.
So excited, but also OMYGOD-OMYGOD!!
My Love is driving the truck and I will worry til we're all together again.
My STUFF is all headed for Maine--
Gulp!!
I'm just a little freaked out here.
So excited, but also OMYGOD-OMYGOD!!
My Love is driving the truck and I will worry til we're all together again.
--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Rainy wedding day number 2
We are at the wedding of a friend of my Love's.
She sold him his house 3 years ago and
This is her 2nd marriage since then.
She sold him his house 3 years ago and
This is her 2nd marriage since then.
It is cold and rainy so their beach wedding morphed into a
covered-porch (overlooking the beach) wedding.
Bummer.
I am bored because I don't know anyone here and I am freezing because
I have on strappy heels, a long sexy skirt and the heaviest jacket I
could find which is only a light fleece.
My fingers are growing numb.
I guess the more important issue is that I hope it's not a bad omen
that it rained on both of her wedding days...
It has set me to dreaming about my own wedding..
We are so in love it radiates off us--
I would venture to guess we overshadow the bride and groom.
*****that was yesterday****
We are taking the kids to Seussical the Musical and just waiting for
it to start.
Having so much fun this summer there's hardly time to pee, let alone blog!!!
Lighthouses and ferries-to-islands and beaches and hikes and kayaking!!
You would think, with a list like that, that I would have lost a bunch
of weight, right??
Well...it would sure help if we weren't ALSO eating copious gobs of
fried seafood!
I dunno, man.
I am also still riding my bike nearly every day, since the last time I
wrote and yet
And yet
Here I am, back in my "fat" clothes.
GrrrrrRrrrrrr!
Well...
At least I don't have to question whether my Love will still adore me
if I gain weight! Ha! Question answered.
We will leave in a few days to take my kids to visit their Dad in Utah
and to pack up my furniture and belongings for Love to drive across
the enormous bulk of this country.
He is my rock.
He makes me laugh and swoon and breathe easy.
The play's about to start...
Love and miss you all!
--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com
Monday, July 28, 2008
It's official!
I am officially moving!
It still sort of feels like a dream, or a non-reality at the very least.
But it is official.
I have notified the Ex,
I have bought return tickets,
I have reserved a portion of a semi from a handy-dandy moving company,
I have...I have...oh, shit, the trampoline! I hope it fits.
I have reserved a rental car for the week we are there, since my car is here
and the distance between there and here is...about 2700 miles which at these prices cost me about $700 in gas just to get out here and flying 3 people costs 800 so why not skip the 4 days of hellish torment, plus hotels and food which would drive the total past $1000 without any trouble??
That's what I thought.
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
That was a mixture of relief and exhaustion, in case you're wondering.
This summer has flown by at mach speed and it's not getting any less busy anytime soon.
We have just over two weeks left until the week in Utah and then we'll have another 2 weeks until school starts but as we adults all know, that kinda time is going to pass in the slow blink of two happy eyes.
Happy...
That's an emotion I was pretty far out of touch with for a while.
But I've found it again and even if it is buried beneath a heap of stress and planning right now there is just nooooo frickin way that I'll be taking it for granted any time soon.
I have a second chance at happiness and I will not squander it.
I will not, I will not!
Hoe
Lee
Shit.
Maybe if I say it enough it will begin to sink in:
I am moving HOME.
I get to move home....
finally.
Oh, god, finally!
After all these years of aching for the ocean, yearning for a comprehensible social structure, keening for good seafood and hardworking people where the majority of the people aren't obsessed with appearances and my kids will not face ostracism just for our religious beliefs (or lack thereof...).
Praise jesus, I am HOME!!!
And with this return to New England comes my ability to be near family and friends again who once defined me--who helped shape the best parts of me--and maybe, just maybe, I will find myself again in their reflections.
I have so much to do it's not even funny...
I am so loved it's not even funny.
I am getting in shape again so fast it's not even funny.
And yet...I sure do seem to laugh a lot...hmm...funny.
***********
The sun setting over Megunticook Lake, the kids play with a ridiculously large amount of enthusiasm while J and I lie on towels and hash over our lives with equal zeal.
On my bike ride the other day, when I discovered a GIANT patch of raspberries, the picture of which has been accidentally deleted, but my kick ass helmet still deserves its moment in the sun:
At the end of the woods trail where I found the wild raspberries there is a wide, sloping hill I like to call, "Blueberry Fields Forever"...mostly because it borders an AWESOME, old cemetary....hehee...
I am now on my way out to go kayaking.
I have been biking 5-10 miles a day for the past week, minus one day wherein I hiked instead and one day on which it rained too much...I'm at 6 days out of the last 8.
WOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!
Damn, I love exercise!
It still sort of feels like a dream, or a non-reality at the very least.
But it is official.
I have notified the Ex,
I have bought return tickets,
I have reserved a portion of a semi from a handy-dandy moving company,
I have...I have...oh, shit, the trampoline! I hope it fits.
I have reserved a rental car for the week we are there, since my car is here
and the distance between there and here is...about 2700 miles which at these prices cost me about $700 in gas just to get out here and flying 3 people costs 800 so why not skip the 4 days of hellish torment, plus hotels and food which would drive the total past $1000 without any trouble??
That's what I thought.
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
That was a mixture of relief and exhaustion, in case you're wondering.
This summer has flown by at mach speed and it's not getting any less busy anytime soon.
We have just over two weeks left until the week in Utah and then we'll have another 2 weeks until school starts but as we adults all know, that kinda time is going to pass in the slow blink of two happy eyes.
Happy...
That's an emotion I was pretty far out of touch with for a while.
But I've found it again and even if it is buried beneath a heap of stress and planning right now there is just nooooo frickin way that I'll be taking it for granted any time soon.
I have a second chance at happiness and I will not squander it.
I will not, I will not!
Hoe
Lee
Shit.
Maybe if I say it enough it will begin to sink in:
I am moving HOME.
I get to move home....
finally.
Oh, god, finally!
After all these years of aching for the ocean, yearning for a comprehensible social structure, keening for good seafood and hardworking people where the majority of the people aren't obsessed with appearances and my kids will not face ostracism just for our religious beliefs (or lack thereof...).
Praise jesus, I am HOME!!!
And with this return to New England comes my ability to be near family and friends again who once defined me--who helped shape the best parts of me--and maybe, just maybe, I will find myself again in their reflections.
I have so much to do it's not even funny...
I am so loved it's not even funny.
I am getting in shape again so fast it's not even funny.
And yet...I sure do seem to laugh a lot...hmm...funny.
***********
The sun setting over Megunticook Lake, the kids play with a ridiculously large amount of enthusiasm while J and I lie on towels and hash over our lives with equal zeal.
On my bike ride the other day, when I discovered a GIANT patch of raspberries, the picture of which has been accidentally deleted, but my kick ass helmet still deserves its moment in the sun:
At the end of the woods trail where I found the wild raspberries there is a wide, sloping hill I like to call, "Blueberry Fields Forever"...mostly because it borders an AWESOME, old cemetary....hehee...
I am now on my way out to go kayaking.
I have been biking 5-10 miles a day for the past week, minus one day wherein I hiked instead and one day on which it rained too much...I'm at 6 days out of the last 8.
WOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!
Damn, I love exercise!
Monday, July 21, 2008
Is July really almost over???
I have so much to say!
And for once…I believe I may have not only the time but the WORDS and a computer!
It’s not connected to the internet, but that is not a problem.
I just need the outlet; I’ll post it when I can.
It has turned muggy;
I guess summer has finally arrived.
I enjoyed the drier, cooler part of the summer up til now, but I’ll take the humidity.
It reminds me with every drop of condensation on my brow that I am
Home.
Home!
I have been struggling with what that means and I’m sure you’ll hear more about it over the next few months, but for now it means I am where I belong and
I am
with
the one I belong…with?
Eh, that was almost as bad as Mike Meyers saying, “Allow myself to introduce….myself?”
Whatevs. You get it.
My love and I were shopping with the boys, to spend some birthday money they had received, and we spent some time at a kitchen store that happened to have a toy section. There were several long shelves packed with model horses and fairies and dragons, etc.
I was giddy over them—overcome with childhood yearning for playing with such things.
I showed him the ones I liked best and giggled and said how much I would have loved them as a child—and that I would play with them Today if I had them.
Several days later, the conversation having been covered with layers and layers of words from our nearly constant stream of dialogue, I saw a bag in his truck from the kitchen store and offered to bring it in for him. I assumed he had gone back for one of the kitchen items we were so taken with but when I mentioned it he blushed a little and said, “I was going to wait for just the right time, but now this is just the right time!” He sprang from his chair and jogged out to the truck. I was curious, but still had no inkling. He began to unroll some tissue paper and out came the Pegasus! I melted. He had remembered well; there were also the male and female fairies that I have named after us, he atop a brown (anatomically correct) stallion and she atop a white unicorn with a dusting of glitter in mane and tail. I can’t stop smiling, even now. And yes, I played with them. They are inspiring to my child’s mind and I will report on their adventures as they happen…
Speaking of adventures, there have been so many since I’ve been here!
Even some of the ones I’ve reported on have been poorly represented because of the inability of my blackberry’s keyboard to accommodate the speed of my thoughts connecting with my fingers.
I have lost more than a few cool ideas for lack of ability to record them, but I’ll do better.
I must remember that I suck like a toothless whore at saving thoughts for later retrieval; poetry is ephemeral.
So far, my Mexican Synthroid seems to be working like the usual, but who knows.
We have been swimming and sailing and kayaking and motorcycling.
We have been eating lobster like kings.
We have been so busy that I would not have had time to blog even if I would’ve had a computer.
I bought a bike yesterday.
Haven’t had one in years!
Am soooo excited to ride it.
(today I bought an ass-lovin' gel seat and a high-quality helmet, after going for my first ass-kickin' ride...ugh...someone got SOOO out of shape!!)
I’ve been having a bit of trouble with navigation.
Odd, since this is where I grew up!
I have a couple of really good excuses for this, however…
First, my home base is slightly askew of where it always has been.
Only a few miles but just enough to really fuck with my head when I’m trying to figure out the quickest route somewhere.
Remember my post about Maine having no straight lines?
Well it’s true.
So I don’t know where I am in relation to where my parents are, as far as North, South, etc., but I always feel like I’m further from town and I’m actually closer to a lot of things.
Very unbalancing.
So I was juuust getting the routes down, when the lovely construction force decided to close down the road I live on.
This road is right off Rt. 1, which is a main thoroughfare.
And now we have to add about 8 miles to every roundtrip we take from here…damn gas prices…AND it brings back in full force the question of “which way’s fastest??”
This road will be closed until November, as they are constructing a whole new bridge.
Feck.
The next problem is that some of the places we go are very obscure and require several turns into places previously uncharted by me at all—and Love takes a different route every time.
Oh well.
I successfully maneuvered to and from his friend’s house yesterday by myself—in from one side of the “mountain” and out another side.
…yes mountain must be in quotes because I’ve just left the Rockies.
Puh-leeez.
These mountains are so old they’re barely even here anymore.
But they sure are beautiful—all green and rolling, like laughter incarnate.
We found a good beach for starfish.
I am going to go shower now and then see if I can’t write me up a good ole press release for my honey.
And for once…I believe I may have not only the time but the WORDS and a computer!
It’s not connected to the internet, but that is not a problem.
I just need the outlet; I’ll post it when I can.
It has turned muggy;
I guess summer has finally arrived.
I enjoyed the drier, cooler part of the summer up til now, but I’ll take the humidity.
It reminds me with every drop of condensation on my brow that I am
Home.
Home!
I have been struggling with what that means and I’m sure you’ll hear more about it over the next few months, but for now it means I am where I belong and
I am
with
the one I belong…with?
Eh, that was almost as bad as Mike Meyers saying, “Allow myself to introduce….myself?”
Whatevs. You get it.
My love and I were shopping with the boys, to spend some birthday money they had received, and we spent some time at a kitchen store that happened to have a toy section. There were several long shelves packed with model horses and fairies and dragons, etc.
I was giddy over them—overcome with childhood yearning for playing with such things.
I showed him the ones I liked best and giggled and said how much I would have loved them as a child—and that I would play with them Today if I had them.
Several days later, the conversation having been covered with layers and layers of words from our nearly constant stream of dialogue, I saw a bag in his truck from the kitchen store and offered to bring it in for him. I assumed he had gone back for one of the kitchen items we were so taken with but when I mentioned it he blushed a little and said, “I was going to wait for just the right time, but now this is just the right time!” He sprang from his chair and jogged out to the truck. I was curious, but still had no inkling. He began to unroll some tissue paper and out came the Pegasus! I melted. He had remembered well; there were also the male and female fairies that I have named after us, he atop a brown (anatomically correct) stallion and she atop a white unicorn with a dusting of glitter in mane and tail. I can’t stop smiling, even now. And yes, I played with them. They are inspiring to my child’s mind and I will report on their adventures as they happen…
Speaking of adventures, there have been so many since I’ve been here!
Even some of the ones I’ve reported on have been poorly represented because of the inability of my blackberry’s keyboard to accommodate the speed of my thoughts connecting with my fingers.
I have lost more than a few cool ideas for lack of ability to record them, but I’ll do better.
I must remember that I suck like a toothless whore at saving thoughts for later retrieval; poetry is ephemeral.
So far, my Mexican Synthroid seems to be working like the usual, but who knows.
We have been swimming and sailing and kayaking and motorcycling.
We have been eating lobster like kings.
We have been so busy that I would not have had time to blog even if I would’ve had a computer.
I bought a bike yesterday.
Haven’t had one in years!
Am soooo excited to ride it.
(today I bought an ass-lovin' gel seat and a high-quality helmet, after going for my first ass-kickin' ride...ugh...someone got SOOO out of shape!!)
I’ve been having a bit of trouble with navigation.
Odd, since this is where I grew up!
I have a couple of really good excuses for this, however…
First, my home base is slightly askew of where it always has been.
Only a few miles but just enough to really fuck with my head when I’m trying to figure out the quickest route somewhere.
Remember my post about Maine having no straight lines?
Well it’s true.
So I don’t know where I am in relation to where my parents are, as far as North, South, etc., but I always feel like I’m further from town and I’m actually closer to a lot of things.
Very unbalancing.
So I was juuust getting the routes down, when the lovely construction force decided to close down the road I live on.
This road is right off Rt. 1, which is a main thoroughfare.
And now we have to add about 8 miles to every roundtrip we take from here…damn gas prices…AND it brings back in full force the question of “which way’s fastest??”
This road will be closed until November, as they are constructing a whole new bridge.
Feck.
The next problem is that some of the places we go are very obscure and require several turns into places previously uncharted by me at all—and Love takes a different route every time.
Oh well.
I successfully maneuvered to and from his friend’s house yesterday by myself—in from one side of the “mountain” and out another side.
…yes mountain must be in quotes because I’ve just left the Rockies.
Puh-leeez.
These mountains are so old they’re barely even here anymore.
But they sure are beautiful—all green and rolling, like laughter incarnate.
We found a good beach for starfish.
I am going to go shower now and then see if I can’t write me up a good ole press release for my honey.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Beautiful Day!
It is Sunday and there is a cool breeze swirling through this sunshine!
I am at peace with my world.
It isn't always easy to find peace, even with my Soul Mate at my side--
big decisions, big plans, big changes.
I miss this daily outlet so much.
I have a beautiful little paper journal that I've been using a bit, as the thoughts break the dam and must be let through.
A gift from my Love.
And I just opened it to find a few passages I wrote so that I could share them here, and found the following smile-maker:
"Just so you know,
I don't read anything in here. I just flip up to a random blank page and leave a little note to let you know I love you so much.
Kisses.
7-8-2008"
I am writing right now on someone else's laptop, which has a broken monitor requiring me to turn my head sharply to the right in order to have my eyes on these words I type.
I continually drag my lower thumb across the mouse pad and fuck with my cursor position.
Siiiiiiigh.
Maybe I will not take for granted a conveniently working computer again.
And maybe that means that when I do have a working machine, in a comfortable setup,
that I will write.
And write and write and write.
Maybe.
Ok, here's what I scribbled on 7-7-08
I must write because the words are now ripe, raw, READY--
they have been fermenting, aging, but now it is time for them to be
expunged
expelled
expatriated--
these words that have lived their quiet lives (so far) inside my head are ready to find a new home and live on in print as foreigners in a foreign land--letters in this digital world
Eh.
It could use some p;olish, but then so could be typing skills
I can't take this keyboard anymore.
i have stuff to say but this is pissing me off which makes it hgihly unrelazxing.
feck.
at least i had a flying dream last night
Twinners' birthday tomorrow.
8, if you can believe it!
I am at peace with my world.
It isn't always easy to find peace, even with my Soul Mate at my side--
big decisions, big plans, big changes.
I miss this daily outlet so much.
I have a beautiful little paper journal that I've been using a bit, as the thoughts break the dam and must be let through.
A gift from my Love.
And I just opened it to find a few passages I wrote so that I could share them here, and found the following smile-maker:
"Just so you know,
I don't read anything in here. I just flip up to a random blank page and leave a little note to let you know I love you so much.
Kisses.
7-8-2008"
I am writing right now on someone else's laptop, which has a broken monitor requiring me to turn my head sharply to the right in order to have my eyes on these words I type.
I continually drag my lower thumb across the mouse pad and fuck with my cursor position.
Siiiiiiigh.
Maybe I will not take for granted a conveniently working computer again.
And maybe that means that when I do have a working machine, in a comfortable setup,
that I will write.
And write and write and write.
Maybe.
Ok, here's what I scribbled on 7-7-08
I must write because the words are now ripe, raw, READY--
they have been fermenting, aging, but now it is time for them to be
expunged
expelled
expatriated--
these words that have lived their quiet lives (so far) inside my head are ready to find a new home and live on in print as foreigners in a foreign land--letters in this digital world
Eh.
It could use some p;olish, but then so could be typing skills
I can't take this keyboard anymore.
i have stuff to say but this is pissing me off which makes it hgihly unrelazxing.
feck.
at least i had a flying dream last night
Twinners' birthday tomorrow.
8, if you can believe it!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Crescent Beach
Sea breezes and solitude.
Could only be better if my Love were here, but
Oddly enough,
I'm just as happy to know that he is spending some quality time with
one of his boys.
"Solitude" refers to the fact that there is only one other small group
on this tiny moon-shaped beach and they are at the other end.
Could only be better if my Love were here, but
Oddly enough,
I'm just as happy to know that he is spending some quality time with
one of his boys.
"Solitude" refers to the fact that there is only one other small group
on this tiny moon-shaped beach and they are at the other end.
We passed my elementary school on the way here and I saw the tall row
of trees we planted on Arbor day 23 years ago.
Fuckin sweet!
********later
We stopped at that L shaped row of trees on the way back and I hugged
the one I think was mine. How 'bout that fer tarded??
I poured all my fears into a rock and thre it into the sea.
And have I mentioned the birds?
No, not the one that pooped on Shar the other day.
But the ones surrounding this beautiful house.
They sing to me in the cool, misty mornngs
And in the warm, breezy evenings.
Tonight?
Girls Night.
Will I wish for my sweet one the whole time?
Well, YEAH, duuuuuh.
But I will also just drink and laugh with a couple of great friends.
Oh, that reminds me!
Gotta call a couple more.
Adios, amiogs(is it the same plural??)
--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com
Crescent Beach
Sea breezes and solitude.
Could only be better if my Love were here, but
Oddly enough,
I'm just as happy to know that he is spending some quality time with
one of his boys.
"Solitude" refers to the fact that there is only one other small group
on this tiny moon-shaped beach and they are at the other end.
Could only be better if my Love were here, but
Oddly enough,
I'm just as happy to know that he is spending some quality time with
one of his boys.
"Solitude" refers to the fact that there is only one other small group
on this tiny moon-shaped beach and they are at the other end.
We passed my elementary school on the way here and I saw the tall row
of trees we planted on Arbor day 23 years ago.
Fuckin sweet!
********later
We stopped at that L shaped row of trees on the way back and I hugged
the one I think was mine. How 'bout that fer tarded??
I poured all my fears into a rock and thre it into the sea.
And have I mentioned the birds?
No, not the one that pooped on Shar the other day.
But the ones surrounding this beautiful house.
They sing to me in the cool, misty mornngs
And in the warm, breezy evenings.
Tonight?
Girls Night.
Will I wish for my sweet one the whole time?
Well, YEAH, duuuuuh.
But I will also just drink and laugh with a couple of great friends.
Oh, that reminds me!
Gotta call a couple more.
Adios, amiogs(is it the same plural??)
--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Rats!
So much for having my computer accessible again!
2 hours I spent on my laptop yesterday and now the power cord doesn't
charge it.
Does this mean I am destined to lose my mind, slowly and steadily?
I need an outlet for the thoughts scorching their jumb led messages
into the backs of my eyeballs but
Writing on my Blackberry I'd slower than writing with a pen and paper.
I have a warranty so I will check into that.
But I kinda wanna cry.
2 hours I spent on my laptop yesterday and now the power cord doesn't
charge it.
Does this mean I am destined to lose my mind, slowly and steadily?
I need an outlet for the thoughts scorching their jumb led messages
into the backs of my eyeballs but
Writing on my Blackberry I'd slower than writing with a pen and paper.
I have a warranty so I will check into that.
But I kinda wanna cry.
Other than that I'm blissfully happy.
It's going to be hot and sticky again today.
Sounds like a day for Lucia!
We have a very long list of Crap We Must Remember To Do but we are
utterly distractable.
I am getting more out of shape by the second.
Pissing me off
Must find a routine of some kind in all this happy chaos.
With routine there is time for working out.
Have a very great day.
--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com
Monday, July 07, 2008
Thoughts in shards
Because there is so much going on around me!
I love it, but...
I do like some peace and quiet from time to time.
Ok, more like I like some peace and quiet every single day.
I can't think clearly with so much going on.
It is a hot day here and I feel lethargic with all of the Nothing I've been doing.
I got my suitcases unpacked and loaded into the wonderful space that my Darlin' cleared out of his huge closet for me.
And I sorta got caught up on email...no, not really.
I just wrote a brief summary of our reunion to a girl who didn't go.
Saturday night was the 15th reunion for my high school class.
It was cool.
I have thoughts, but they are disconnected from my fingers right now.
More later.
I better just go cook dinner...or go to the store and buy something to cook for my giant family (ok, not so giant: 4 kids and a guest plus Love and I).
It's hot out.
Maybe just watermelon.
Mmmmmm...
Or a nap.
I have awesome pictures, too, and plan to do some hardcore writing this week, so stay tuned......
I love it, but...
I do like some peace and quiet from time to time.
Ok, more like I like some peace and quiet every single day.
I can't think clearly with so much going on.
It is a hot day here and I feel lethargic with all of the Nothing I've been doing.
I got my suitcases unpacked and loaded into the wonderful space that my Darlin' cleared out of his huge closet for me.
And I sorta got caught up on email...no, not really.
I just wrote a brief summary of our reunion to a girl who didn't go.
Saturday night was the 15th reunion for my high school class.
It was cool.
I have thoughts, but they are disconnected from my fingers right now.
More later.
I better just go cook dinner...or go to the store and buy something to cook for my giant family (ok, not so giant: 4 kids and a guest plus Love and I).
It's hot out.
Maybe just watermelon.
Mmmmmm...
Or a nap.
I have awesome pictures, too, and plan to do some hardcore writing this week, so stay tuned......
Friday, July 04, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Pearl Jam in Boston
But
Here I am!
Getting a contact high and groping my True Love
Eddie Vedder is
The
Man.
Also, these guys know how to play th'rock music.
Hell yes.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Life is exquisite
I found him!
I know, I know, you're probably getting sick of hearing it.
But tough shit,
Cuz I am nowhere near done swooning over this perfection.
This man is so gentle and so full of love and goodness and patience???
He's got patience IN SPADES!!!!
Oh and also, check out Frisky Dingo on itunes.
It will be worth your time.
It's a cartoon from Adult Swim and we can't stop quoting it...
I know, I know, you're probably getting sick of hearing it.
But tough shit,
Cuz I am nowhere near done swooning over this perfection.
This man is so gentle and so full of love and goodness and patience???
He's got patience IN SPADES!!!!
Oh and also, check out Frisky Dingo on itunes.
It will be worth your time.
It's a cartoon from Adult Swim and we can't stop quoting it...
So last night my kids stayed home with grampa so we could catch up
with a variety of old friends and jam out to an amazing band.
And my hormones are behaving again...
(Don't ask.)
And my sweet little boys are here!!!!!!!!
And life is just truly exquisite.
I wasn't kidding.
Nor was I exaggerating.
Blissful as hell, so to speak...hehehe...
Blissful as heaven, more like. Wink.
Oh, also, I may have permantly injured myself from headbanging last night.
And I will go see the same band again if given the chance!!!!
Happy Summer Solstice, loves!
--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com
Saturday, June 14, 2008
On the road again
It's been a high mileage week but thank the gods of oil they've mostly
been on the bike and today's run is on a school bus full of middle
schoolers!
It is kinda weird to be on a bus, but we're headed for Fun Town
(Which can be taken both literally and figuratively) so it's well
worth the bumpy ride and crappy seats.
Or it WOULD be...if I didn't habe to pee so bad!
Haha!
Damn and curse my bladder.
been on the bike and today's run is on a school bus full of middle
schoolers!
It is kinda weird to be on a bus, but we're headed for Fun Town
(Which can be taken both literally and figuratively) so it's well
worth the bumpy ride and crappy seats.
Or it WOULD be...if I didn't habe to pee so bad!
Haha!
Damn and curse my bladder.
It's so great to be in Maine.
We took the bike down to Portland (60 miles but 1.5 hours) to have
dinner with a friend and then we decided to stay the night in
Freeport.
We used the blackberry LiveSearch feature to find a B&B.
It was comfortable and lovely but I had heartburn and didn't have my
trusty Tums so I didn't really sleep well.
And then I woke up with either a stomache flu or the demon responsible
for the heartburn rearing its ugly head.
Laaaaaame.
Still managed to enjoy my blueberry pancakes and the long, slow ride
back up the coast.
We detoured at Damariscotta and swept over to Pemaquid Point Lighthouse.
(Will add pix later)
Got home and slept off the stomache malady while my baby cooked dinner
for the kids and my Dad.
My mom works at the State Park during the summer but there are always
a few weeks that overlap before school gets out where she is working
two full time jobs so my Dad is on his own.
That is just the type of thing I'm looking forward to if I live here!
So we had a delicious dinner and played a fun board game and went to bed early.
Life is so far beyond good.
The best part?
My kids will be getting on that airplane on Monday and we will all be together!
Not to mention my darling, amazing, life-saving (in every way) friend
will be arriving with them.
Hooray!
We will have a marvelous summer.
I have been trying to leave comments but haloscan seems to be
incompatible with my blackberry...chink in armor...sniff...
--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Beauty is in the eye of the key-holder...
He's perfect, they said.
He's perfect , I said.
In so many ways and
so perfect for me.
He's perfect, I said
with a smile thin as crepe.
I'm not, I whispered in the dark of the night.
I'm not, I feared to the listening walls.
And we all know the fate of the god-loving mortal
And we all know that they are a whole 'nother species
So I searched for his faults and I tallied them up,
and then I felt better...but just for a bit
because, why would I want to date someone so flawed...?
******
Just a little poem that came to me as I dried off from my morning shower.
It made us giggle.
I read it to him and we agreed that it would be a silly thing to read during the toasting portion of our wedding.
That we'll have on 10-10-10, for anyone interested in coming.
******
There is so much to say.....
but I'll start with the motorcycle stories.
A couple of nights ago it was the end of a hot day, begun with a long walk/jog across these winding roads--
which reminds me of the poem that came to me while riding the next day,
but I'll get to that in a minute.
And now I've ruined the surprise because in the next part of the story you will be given the chance to wonder if I survived my first ride...
(ok, so it's hardly a surprise that I did; I AM writing this, aren't I?? ...unless it's my ghost...woooooooo....ooooo....ha.)
So the night was warm and thickly dark around us,
so much humidity that fog was imminent and was felt before it was seen.
The bike purred, a crotch rocket engine with a more upright-riding position...don't ask me what type it was; it's a Bandit, that's all I know.
So we geared up--
helmet fittings and jacket try-ons.
I scored a snug helmet and the use of his best (armored) jacket.
I giggled with glee to be clinging to the back of my Truest Love aboard a machine that is my truest love.
I wrapped my arms around him, legs pressed close around his hips.
The first ten seconds were coooool, man.
And then he opened up the throttle like a drunk opens a bottle of whiskey on his way out of jail.
We found the spot on the speedometer with a 1, 2, and 0 next to it.
I hardly had time to notice the silly numbers
I was so focused on winning the wrestling match with the wind.
The wind, tearing me from my love.
The wind, ripping angrily at me, possessively--
this bike, this man...they are mine.
My tiny fingers dug holes in the leather of his jacket and every muscle in my body yearned to be one with the body in front of me.
He did that several other times on our 20 mile run.
By the end I was whimpering, shaking.
Ok, by the beginning I was whimpering, "No, no, no..."
And I know it's silly, but I found myself praying to my motorcycle-slain bro-in-law to save me.
Apparently he did.
Heh.
We got off the bike and all I could think was, "If I tell him how scared I was he won't think I'm cool, he won't want to take me for more rides."
But, ya know.
He's my True Love and that means he only needed one look at my face and he held me and promised not to go so fast with me on back ever again.
The sweet Boy Next Door in him said in a shrugging way, "Yeah, that was more for me than you anyway."
So yesterday we needed to go return a camera to his friend out in the boondocks
(and that's saying a LOT because this is Maine...everything is sort of boondocky, even the state capital) and he suggested we take the bike.
After requesting his promise not to try to kill me again, we geared up and set off.
Best.
Day.
Of my life.
(this week, so far)
Seriously, it was gorgeous.
And he didn't fly off in record time again, although we did technically go "too" fast at times.
Any bikers out there may not be surprised to hear me say it was like meditation.
Head clearing, mind soothing.
It was beautiful.
A gorgeous day, my love wrapped up in my limbs.
Mmmm.
The friend's house had a wide, clear pond and I wandered over to it.
There were giant tadpoles and teensy tadpoles
and luscious green frogs, sparkling and pulsing in the sunshine.
As we wended our way through the undulating hills of inland Maine
(so sturdy in its marked lack of lace-like inlets, tidal rivers, and rocky beaches)
we both drank in the sights.
Meadows and green, hilly vistas!
There were some men sawing through trees
and the smell reached me on delay as we sped past--
pine and raw, still-breathing wood!!
I shudder in delight just remembering it!
There were lakes and ponds and rivers and hardly any cars.
It was inland, after all.
Tiny little General Stores and the man stroking smoothly through that lake across the street.
Ramshackle barns against horizons of green rolling meadows,
blue sky licking down between the cleavage of gentle hills.
Nature's Masterpiece, I tell ya!
And then we roared into the parking lot at the Harley shop and my panties REALLY got wet!
Walking reverently through the showroom,
a finger trailing over a smooth leather seat,
a cheek pressed lovingly to the cold gas tank
as I bend toward the handlbars.
The "Small World"ness of this place gave me a smile as we chatted with another biker who heard where we lived and tossed out a name and I bit--
my friend's friend! And he knew my friend, too; I knew he would because they all ride together.
Then off to lunch (I was growing lightheaded, so I tore myself away) and
on to the Suzuki showroom.
They also had a bunch of used bikes of other brands--
a fucking GREAT 2007 Honda Shadow for way less green than I would have thought...
and even a Harley for less than I expected but Honey says it's too whimpy and that they are overpriced.
I am JONESING to a. be back out there riding and b. learn to DRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
A beautiful day, then home for a shower and into summer clothes for an evening on a docked schooner, a Chamber of Commerce networking opportunity for some, a gorgeous end to the day for all:
Ok, I'm off to pick up some groceries for this Bachelor Pad Extraordinaire.
Sweet One will have a phone interview for a job and then we will head down to Portland for dinner with a comedian friend of mine and apres drinks with a high school friend.
Here is the aforementioned Poem From the Road:
There are no straight lines in Maine--
except the trunks of the mighty pine forests.
The rock walls are tired, having given in to gravity.
The roads wind and wiggle, bend and sway,
dancing their way through the countryside.
The towns are a clumsy handful, a jumbled arrangement of odd-shaped stones
(like the ones lining the narrow beach of Crockett's Cove).
The horizon is jagged, encroached on by pines.
And the shoreline is ever-surging inland--
the ocean taking shark bites out of the landscape.
I just left the land of straight lines
and linear, inside-the-box thinking--
rules and restrictions,
of new construction is the only home to buy,
and towns lined up neatly along the freeway like polished little school children on picture day.
Straight lines do not exist in Maine.
And that feels just right.
He's perfect , I said.
In so many ways and
so perfect for me.
He's perfect, I said
with a smile thin as crepe.
I'm not, I whispered in the dark of the night.
I'm not, I feared to the listening walls.
And we all know the fate of the god-loving mortal
And we all know that they are a whole 'nother species
So I searched for his faults and I tallied them up,
and then I felt better...but just for a bit
because, why would I want to date someone so flawed...?
******
Just a little poem that came to me as I dried off from my morning shower.
It made us giggle.
I read it to him and we agreed that it would be a silly thing to read during the toasting portion of our wedding.
That we'll have on 10-10-10, for anyone interested in coming.
******
There is so much to say.....
but I'll start with the motorcycle stories.
A couple of nights ago it was the end of a hot day, begun with a long walk/jog across these winding roads--
which reminds me of the poem that came to me while riding the next day,
but I'll get to that in a minute.
And now I've ruined the surprise because in the next part of the story you will be given the chance to wonder if I survived my first ride...
(ok, so it's hardly a surprise that I did; I AM writing this, aren't I?? ...unless it's my ghost...woooooooo....ooooo....ha.)
So the night was warm and thickly dark around us,
so much humidity that fog was imminent and was felt before it was seen.
The bike purred, a crotch rocket engine with a more upright-riding position...don't ask me what type it was; it's a Bandit, that's all I know.
So we geared up--
helmet fittings and jacket try-ons.
I scored a snug helmet and the use of his best (armored) jacket.
I giggled with glee to be clinging to the back of my Truest Love aboard a machine that is my truest love.
I wrapped my arms around him, legs pressed close around his hips.
The first ten seconds were coooool, man.
And then he opened up the throttle like a drunk opens a bottle of whiskey on his way out of jail.
We found the spot on the speedometer with a 1, 2, and 0 next to it.
I hardly had time to notice the silly numbers
I was so focused on winning the wrestling match with the wind.
The wind, tearing me from my love.
The wind, ripping angrily at me, possessively--
this bike, this man...they are mine.
My tiny fingers dug holes in the leather of his jacket and every muscle in my body yearned to be one with the body in front of me.
He did that several other times on our 20 mile run.
By the end I was whimpering, shaking.
Ok, by the beginning I was whimpering, "No, no, no..."
And I know it's silly, but I found myself praying to my motorcycle-slain bro-in-law to save me.
Apparently he did.
Heh.
We got off the bike and all I could think was, "If I tell him how scared I was he won't think I'm cool, he won't want to take me for more rides."
But, ya know.
He's my True Love and that means he only needed one look at my face and he held me and promised not to go so fast with me on back ever again.
The sweet Boy Next Door in him said in a shrugging way, "Yeah, that was more for me than you anyway."
So yesterday we needed to go return a camera to his friend out in the boondocks
(and that's saying a LOT because this is Maine...everything is sort of boondocky, even the state capital) and he suggested we take the bike.
After requesting his promise not to try to kill me again, we geared up and set off.
Best.
Day.
Of my life.
(this week, so far)
Seriously, it was gorgeous.
And he didn't fly off in record time again, although we did technically go "too" fast at times.
Any bikers out there may not be surprised to hear me say it was like meditation.
Head clearing, mind soothing.
It was beautiful.
A gorgeous day, my love wrapped up in my limbs.
Mmmm.
The friend's house had a wide, clear pond and I wandered over to it.
There were giant tadpoles and teensy tadpoles
and luscious green frogs, sparkling and pulsing in the sunshine.
As we wended our way through the undulating hills of inland Maine
(so sturdy in its marked lack of lace-like inlets, tidal rivers, and rocky beaches)
we both drank in the sights.
Meadows and green, hilly vistas!
There were some men sawing through trees
and the smell reached me on delay as we sped past--
pine and raw, still-breathing wood!!
I shudder in delight just remembering it!
There were lakes and ponds and rivers and hardly any cars.
It was inland, after all.
Tiny little General Stores and the man stroking smoothly through that lake across the street.
Ramshackle barns against horizons of green rolling meadows,
blue sky licking down between the cleavage of gentle hills.
Nature's Masterpiece, I tell ya!
And then we roared into the parking lot at the Harley shop and my panties REALLY got wet!
Walking reverently through the showroom,
a finger trailing over a smooth leather seat,
a cheek pressed lovingly to the cold gas tank
as I bend toward the handlbars.
The "Small World"ness of this place gave me a smile as we chatted with another biker who heard where we lived and tossed out a name and I bit--
my friend's friend! And he knew my friend, too; I knew he would because they all ride together.
Then off to lunch (I was growing lightheaded, so I tore myself away) and
on to the Suzuki showroom.
They also had a bunch of used bikes of other brands--
a fucking GREAT 2007 Honda Shadow for way less green than I would have thought...
and even a Harley for less than I expected but Honey says it's too whimpy and that they are overpriced.
I am JONESING to a. be back out there riding and b. learn to DRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
A beautiful day, then home for a shower and into summer clothes for an evening on a docked schooner, a Chamber of Commerce networking opportunity for some, a gorgeous end to the day for all:
Ok, I'm off to pick up some groceries for this Bachelor Pad Extraordinaire.
Sweet One will have a phone interview for a job and then we will head down to Portland for dinner with a comedian friend of mine and apres drinks with a high school friend.
Here is the aforementioned Poem From the Road:
There are no straight lines in Maine--
except the trunks of the mighty pine forests.
The rock walls are tired, having given in to gravity.
The roads wind and wiggle, bend and sway,
dancing their way through the countryside.
The towns are a clumsy handful, a jumbled arrangement of odd-shaped stones
(like the ones lining the narrow beach of Crockett's Cove).
The horizon is jagged, encroached on by pines.
And the shoreline is ever-surging inland--
the ocean taking shark bites out of the landscape.
I just left the land of straight lines
and linear, inside-the-box thinking--
rules and restrictions,
of new construction is the only home to buy,
and towns lined up neatly along the freeway like polished little school children on picture day.
Straight lines do not exist in Maine.
And that feels just right.
Monday, June 09, 2008
HOME!!!!!!
We made it home today in record time--
Which sorta blows my mind, considering we spent all evening in NYC traffic.
But here we are.
Home, home, home.
Which sorta blows my mind, considering we spent all evening in NYC traffic.
But here we are.
Home, home, home.
Today was the best day of the trip because it was the Last!
Ha!
We had a really great time, but it's kinda brutal to drive that many
hours and miles under the best of circumstances and, frankly, there's
a hell of a lot of stress churning through my life at this particular
moment.
I got word from my awesome SIL that my kitty had her babies tonight--
FIVE.
She had 5!
So much for my,"It's her first litter so it'll be small" rationale.
Siiiiigh.
Ok. My love has finished brushing his teeth. So that means good night to YOU!
--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com
Friday, June 06, 2008
More mobility for your enjoyment
...Or for mine, more specifically!
This mobile blogging thing kinda rocks as hard as
As hard as...
Thinder rolling through a confined space.
Yeah, something like that.
Ms. Orange asked how I was doing this so I shall tell you.
There are 2 main ways with blogger.
First, you can look in settings and find your specific email address
(which you'll have to set up if you haven't already done so) and then
you just email posts in from your (my) handy dandy Blackberry Curve.
Another way is that you can send a text or email from most any phone
to go@blogger.com and then log in to your blogger blog for
instructions on how to proceed.
So....
Yeah.
I'm sure that was fascinating.
I hope it answered the question.
This mobile blogging thing kinda rocks as hard as
As hard as...
Thinder rolling through a confined space.
Yeah, something like that.
Ms. Orange asked how I was doing this so I shall tell you.
There are 2 main ways with blogger.
First, you can look in settings and find your specific email address
(which you'll have to set up if you haven't already done so) and then
you just email posts in from your (my) handy dandy Blackberry Curve.
Another way is that you can send a text or email from most any phone
to go@blogger.com and then log in to your blogger blog for
instructions on how to proceed.
So....
Yeah.
I'm sure that was fascinating.
I hope it answered the question.
It is very muggy here in Maryland and it makes my curly hair as kinky
as my bedroom hit list!
Snort--
Actually, I'm pretty average these days but that's the way I like it.
My dance partner rocks my socks off when he gets my rocks off (ha!)
But I don't feel like I'm in vixen mode at all.
We are so connected...and it's just really nice to not feel like I am
valued only for my Skillz.
Of which I have many.
So I've heard.
Wow.
That was quite a tangent.
The point is, it's hot and sticky in this place. I'm having fun but
look forward to getting to maine and especially to the arrival of my
kids.
I am tired.
Going to DC tomorrow to museum it up.
Two cutest nephews in the world.
I defy you to out cute these guys!
Oh, also--
Current status of me being right to boyfriend being right?
2-0
Huzzzah!
--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Bloggin' my way across the USA--
Well...
not exactly.
See, if I was actually blogging my way, I would have written something before NOW.
Now?
I am almost there.
But Sunday I left Utah and yesterday I arrived in Pittsburgh.
Tomorrow we'll jog over to Maryland and spend some time with my sister and her family,
and then we'll pop over to Upstate New York to see another friend of My Love's and then we'll get to his house by Tuesday at the latest (because he has a friend whose daughter is graduating high school and it is super important to him to be there).
So.......
I have been in a blogging frame of mind as we've driven these 30 hours,
but my new and faaaaabulous Blackberry is tied to a new blog because I'm toying with the idea of Starting Fresh, but as you all may have noticed, I have very little actual interest in leaving this blog.
Anywho.
I will have to rearrange things (if I can) so that I can mobile blog to this dot com.
Because may I just say...
this whole Blackberry thing rocks
my
world.
I am glad I didn't have it a few years ago when I was hardcore addicted to blogging.
It would have been dangerous.
Having constant access to the web is fun and useful but not advised for people with a $500 a day blogging habit.
(ok, we all know blogging doesn't cost money, but I had to make it sound severe and drug-like...I think I did it.)
Alright, when last you saw our heroine, she was returning from the cruise and breathlessly awaiting the arrival of her Knight in Shining Armor.
And since I refuse to write this in third person, we are now switching back to first.
Deal?
Deal.
Ok.
So he arrived on schedule and my cleavage and I met him at the bottom of the escalator and frankly we both nearly wept with relief.
It is just not Right for us to be apart.
It is as though the entire universe bends under the pressure of our separation.
The universe is rent as it attempts to wrap itself around the empty spaces we each should occupy until we finally do.
We hugged and hugged and drank each other in and finally
the darkness of our parting had been dissipated by the light of our reunion.
...wow, that was cheesy.
Sorry, that's just how it was.
So we spent the next few days wallowing in the happiness of being together again and playing with my kids and almost preparing for the drive.
Then on Saturday morning we took the kids to my FAVORITE hike in northern utah.
Actually, the kids and I took Him--
they have been to the hot springs with me 3 times now.
And on our last visit, a few weeks ago, we crossed this bridge riddled with declarations of love and other such carved graffiti and I thought, “Hm. I wish I had something sharp.”
As we walked along, there on the path was a pair of tweezers.
I pocketed those fuckers and on the way back I left a message for my love--
Lisa (heart)s Michael 4Ever
Hehehe...
He loved it.
The hike was beautiful and the kids were happy and chatty,
floating easily back and forth between the two of us.
The hot springs were swarmed with parents and young children,
which was completely out of the ordinary.
Odd.
And when we returned from the hike it was time to throw everything in the car and go to the awesome park and have a picnic dinner with my brothers and their families.
This was the first time most of them had met him and it went spectacularly.
They all really liked him and he, days later, is still talking about how incredible they are.
Dream come true.
So, after the dinner we took the kids to their dad's house and dropped them off then went home and CRASHED.
We are not as young as we used to be.
Heh.
So then on Sunday we were going to throw the stuff in the car and be out of there by noon.
Well....
I have a pregnant kitty who needed to be delivered to my brother's house because his animal loving wife had volunteered to keep her for the summer.
But I started feeling guilty about leaving her so we wasted a good couple of hours buying a carrier and special litter box and arranging the car around her stuff only to realize we were foolish to attempt a week-long road trip with a pregnant cat.
Sooooo........
we left at 4pm.
And did not make very much progress that first day.
I think we got to...
Ogalalla, Nebraska.
About 3am.
Got a few hours of sleep and hit the road again.
It was a few hours into that next day of driving that we discovered that the luggage rack on top was killing our gas economy, just as we had predicted.
But...
we were in the middle of cornfield nowhere and had only 30 miles left til an empty tank.
We were probably within 5 miles of running out of gas when we found a place, on a hunch.
After we filled up I bought a couple of scratch tickets because, hey, they have them here!
(not in Utah—oh, and we also bought a few cool fireworks in Wyoming, cuz we don't have those in Utah either)/
My tickets were tiny winners
(as opposed to tiny weiners)
and I ended up with $10 more than I started with.
So that was cool.
Paid for 2.5 gallons of gas.
Rock.
4 damn dollars a gallon.
Psh.
We stopped to pee once because there was a sign...but then the gas station was deserted and had a "No Trespassing" sign on the gate across the entrance, so we obliged.
We still needed to pee and this place was across the street:
It looked like a welcoming place to pee...
and become infected with tetanus.
Ok, so then after almost 1000 miles without seeing a single law enforcement vehicle we saw one.
And then just a few more miles and I was going 81 in a 75 and the sweetest cop ever pulled me over and gave me just a warning.
Yay!
We slept the second night (from 4-9 am) in a town called...Shipshewana (I think) in...Michigan?
And then rolled into Pittsburgh around 5pm yesterday.
We were immediately assaulted by the two cutest, most excited little girls I've seen this month.
Ha. But seriously, super cute and ridiculously excited.
My love happens to be their faaaavorite “uncle” and their Mom is in a Reserve unit that was activated 6 months ago or so and they were in severe need of some extra attention.
Their Dad is one of my love's closest friends from the Navy days.
And their brother is 18 months old and FREAKIN ADORABLE.
So we've had fun here and will be hitting the road in the morning.
More adorable children to see!
My nephews are so awesome; can't wait.
And my sister is making crab cakes—yummmm!
Hm.
I think that brings us up to speed, only the problem with this whole “not blogging” thing is that there are tons of awesome little stories that I must leave out due to the ridiculous lengthiness of my post.
A few highlights:
A chain of gas stations through the central time zone
(whose ass we kicked, by the way—crossed that fucker in one day's driving. Huzzah!)
called, “Kum and Go”.
No lie.
Sounds like a bodily fluid extravaganza, no?
And then here in Pittsburgh there is a building called
the Frick Building....
hehehee....snicker...snort....
I wonder what they do there?
Good lord.
I really need to be doing this every day again.
It feels sooooo good!
Ok.
Hope you're all well.
I miss you.
not exactly.
See, if I was actually blogging my way, I would have written something before NOW.
Now?
I am almost there.
But Sunday I left Utah and yesterday I arrived in Pittsburgh.
Tomorrow we'll jog over to Maryland and spend some time with my sister and her family,
and then we'll pop over to Upstate New York to see another friend of My Love's and then we'll get to his house by Tuesday at the latest (because he has a friend whose daughter is graduating high school and it is super important to him to be there).
So.......
I have been in a blogging frame of mind as we've driven these 30 hours,
but my new and faaaaabulous Blackberry is tied to a new blog because I'm toying with the idea of Starting Fresh, but as you all may have noticed, I have very little actual interest in leaving this blog.
Anywho.
I will have to rearrange things (if I can) so that I can mobile blog to this dot com.
Because may I just say...
this whole Blackberry thing rocks
my
world.
I am glad I didn't have it a few years ago when I was hardcore addicted to blogging.
It would have been dangerous.
Having constant access to the web is fun and useful but not advised for people with a $500 a day blogging habit.
(ok, we all know blogging doesn't cost money, but I had to make it sound severe and drug-like...I think I did it.)
Alright, when last you saw our heroine, she was returning from the cruise and breathlessly awaiting the arrival of her Knight in Shining Armor.
And since I refuse to write this in third person, we are now switching back to first.
Deal?
Deal.
Ok.
So he arrived on schedule and my cleavage and I met him at the bottom of the escalator and frankly we both nearly wept with relief.
It is just not Right for us to be apart.
It is as though the entire universe bends under the pressure of our separation.
The universe is rent as it attempts to wrap itself around the empty spaces we each should occupy until we finally do.
We hugged and hugged and drank each other in and finally
the darkness of our parting had been dissipated by the light of our reunion.
...wow, that was cheesy.
Sorry, that's just how it was.
So we spent the next few days wallowing in the happiness of being together again and playing with my kids and almost preparing for the drive.
Then on Saturday morning we took the kids to my FAVORITE hike in northern utah.
Actually, the kids and I took Him--
they have been to the hot springs with me 3 times now.
And on our last visit, a few weeks ago, we crossed this bridge riddled with declarations of love and other such carved graffiti and I thought, “Hm. I wish I had something sharp.”
As we walked along, there on the path was a pair of tweezers.
I pocketed those fuckers and on the way back I left a message for my love--
Lisa (heart)s Michael 4Ever
Hehehe...
He loved it.
The hike was beautiful and the kids were happy and chatty,
floating easily back and forth between the two of us.
The hot springs were swarmed with parents and young children,
which was completely out of the ordinary.
Odd.
And when we returned from the hike it was time to throw everything in the car and go to the awesome park and have a picnic dinner with my brothers and their families.
This was the first time most of them had met him and it went spectacularly.
They all really liked him and he, days later, is still talking about how incredible they are.
Dream come true.
So, after the dinner we took the kids to their dad's house and dropped them off then went home and CRASHED.
We are not as young as we used to be.
Heh.
So then on Sunday we were going to throw the stuff in the car and be out of there by noon.
Well....
I have a pregnant kitty who needed to be delivered to my brother's house because his animal loving wife had volunteered to keep her for the summer.
But I started feeling guilty about leaving her so we wasted a good couple of hours buying a carrier and special litter box and arranging the car around her stuff only to realize we were foolish to attempt a week-long road trip with a pregnant cat.
Sooooo........
we left at 4pm.
And did not make very much progress that first day.
I think we got to...
Ogalalla, Nebraska.
About 3am.
Got a few hours of sleep and hit the road again.
It was a few hours into that next day of driving that we discovered that the luggage rack on top was killing our gas economy, just as we had predicted.
But...
we were in the middle of cornfield nowhere and had only 30 miles left til an empty tank.
We were probably within 5 miles of running out of gas when we found a place, on a hunch.
After we filled up I bought a couple of scratch tickets because, hey, they have them here!
(not in Utah—oh, and we also bought a few cool fireworks in Wyoming, cuz we don't have those in Utah either)/
My tickets were tiny winners
(as opposed to tiny weiners)
and I ended up with $10 more than I started with.
So that was cool.
Paid for 2.5 gallons of gas.
Rock.
4 damn dollars a gallon.
Psh.
We stopped to pee once because there was a sign...but then the gas station was deserted and had a "No Trespassing" sign on the gate across the entrance, so we obliged.
We still needed to pee and this place was across the street:
It looked like a welcoming place to pee...
and become infected with tetanus.
Ok, so then after almost 1000 miles without seeing a single law enforcement vehicle we saw one.
And then just a few more miles and I was going 81 in a 75 and the sweetest cop ever pulled me over and gave me just a warning.
Yay!
We slept the second night (from 4-9 am) in a town called...Shipshewana (I think) in...Michigan?
And then rolled into Pittsburgh around 5pm yesterday.
We were immediately assaulted by the two cutest, most excited little girls I've seen this month.
Ha. But seriously, super cute and ridiculously excited.
My love happens to be their faaaavorite “uncle” and their Mom is in a Reserve unit that was activated 6 months ago or so and they were in severe need of some extra attention.
Their Dad is one of my love's closest friends from the Navy days.
And their brother is 18 months old and FREAKIN ADORABLE.
So we've had fun here and will be hitting the road in the morning.
More adorable children to see!
My nephews are so awesome; can't wait.
And my sister is making crab cakes—yummmm!
Hm.
I think that brings us up to speed, only the problem with this whole “not blogging” thing is that there are tons of awesome little stories that I must leave out due to the ridiculous lengthiness of my post.
A few highlights:
A chain of gas stations through the central time zone
(whose ass we kicked, by the way—crossed that fucker in one day's driving. Huzzah!)
called, “Kum and Go”.
No lie.
Sounds like a bodily fluid extravaganza, no?
And then here in Pittsburgh there is a building called
the Frick Building....
hehehee....snicker...snort....
I wonder what they do there?
Good lord.
I really need to be doing this every day again.
It feels sooooo good!
Ok.
Hope you're all well.
I miss you.
pittsburgh is coooool
But I will blog properly from my computer. Just testing out the blackberry's blogging capabilities.
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